Wailing Wall Address

The speech I'd like to - but dare not - deliver at the “Wailing Wall“:

People of Jerusalem! I come to your fair and ancient City, so steeped in traditions, so laden with history, so riddled with bullets - and am immediately struck by two things, neither of which are bullets:

The Dome of the Rock may be a lovely piece of work, but do we need it? Hey, Muslims, you have Mecca, you have Medina. You don't need al-Quds, namely Jerusalem, give it up!

And this chunk of temple siding takes up way too much attention, you Jews are so fixated on the Temple Mount, take a note from the Christians and acquaint yourselves for once with the Sermon on the Mount.

Excessive zeal for a religious form has nothing to do with love of or toward God, still less with any experience of God, and therefore does no favors for Humankind. Please, someone prove me wrong. You can't.

So in conclusion, to those Christians running the Church of the Tomb: teamwork, fellas, teamwork. To the Muslims in the City: hey, the Jews were already here before you had your religion, they got driven out, you rode in and conquered, they came back and reconquered, deal with it – cut your losses, take what you had pre-'67, leave them in peace and build something for yourselves. Everyone here please stop playing the goddamn victim, and everyone stop being each other's aggressor.

And as to the City's Jews, ship the Haredi all back to Europe, they don't believe in your State anyway, they won't pay taxes, serve in your forces, get a job, get a life; they just take your bread and social, crank out kids as if they were discount. Dump them, dump the settlements, dump the dead weight and develop something that'll shut the Arabs and the UN up.

And finally - Mr. Netanyahu: TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!