A Love For The Ages

When one hears the Ramayana being given, and after all is said and done:  Ravanna is defeated, his stronghold laid waste, his demon hosts thwarted, Sita rescued, Lord Rama has his throne returned to him, everyone's together and things are right with the world again - then comes the part with Hanuman and his relationship to Rama.  It is the most beautiful of relationships - I know, because whenever I contemplate it, all these decades after that one hearing, my heart is stricken and the tears well up.

One can say, "I love God, I love God above all else and I acknowledge God."  This is well and good, especially when one has taken one's own faith into hand and probed it and pursued it in some depth.  That is the beginning of responsibility and an endless exploration.  The one inherent entrapment which derails the journey is in keeping God "out there" and separate.

One can say, "Moreover, I have found God within myself - or my Self - and I acknowledge that 'I am That'; God my Beloved is within me and I am within God."  That implies taking still more responsibility, and tends in the direction of Knowledge, of Jnana.  As the former example is of great value, so is the latter very significant, however far one comes or is guided.  Alone with this, one may run the risk of a narcissism and most unfortunate delusion.

When one - precisely from and in cognizance of these latter two - arrives at the recognition of God-as-Beloved in the absolute and surrounding Formless, in one's own Form, and in the Form standing before one (not that one ever confuses this with loving "people", but residing fast deep and sovereign in one's love for God, and only thus loving God in the "other," however in darkness that one might be, as one holds God in oneself and over and above oneself, knowing that in all matters God is holding oneself in the timeless Heart of Infinity, one's own Infinity)...when one gets this and values and cultivates this, that really is taking responsibility and that is Bhakti, the way of devotion.  It's nature is conscious, its form is love.



So at the end of the Ramayana, after the most remarkable Bhakta, Hanuman the monkey, has defeated the entire demon host with his mace and burned down Ravanna's city with his flaming tail after they'd set it on fire, helped rescue Sita, fulfilled the tasks in Rama's service - now in Ram's court and before all present he is asked by Lord Rama, who is the embodiment of Divinity for that Age in Hindu Scripture:  "Dear Hanuman, so what are you actually?  Man or ape?"

(Hanuman was known as "the Breath of Ram," and as "Son of the Wind" - this lends significance to what follows.)

Hanuman replies:  "When I don't know who I am, I'm Your servant.  When I know who I am, I'm You."  And they embrace - this is a very important story, which only the heart or a child can understand.  When Rama hails and praises him before all the others there, and offers him anything he wants, he responds:  "Lord save me, save me from the pit of ego!"

A lovely song addressing devotion to Ram, from a group near Boulder back in the '70s, has these lines concerning Hanuman and Ram's brother Laksman - reflecting their respective relationships to Lord Rama:

"Sri Rama is my Lord and His Name is my protection;
His righteousness my strength, and His grace is my redemption.
For the soul of Hanuman is Ram ..."  etc.

and 

"Sri Rama is my Self and my Lord and my companion;
His thought is my command, and His glance is my direction.
For the soul of Laksmana is Ram ..."  etc.

One is oneself in the attitude of Hanuman, or of Laksman, it's not a song about some archaic lore, it's about you - period.  It's about the perfect Relationship.

In my thoughts, I hold my two little granddaughters on my lap at bedtime, and I tell them the story of Ram and of Hanuman, of their feats and their noble destiny.  And then I sing them this little number which also comes from the Boulder of the '70s:

Ram asked Hanuman, "My servant, what do you think of Me?"
Ram asked Hanuman, "My servant, what do you think of Me?"
"When I serve You, You are my Master; when I worshp You are my God;
but You and I are One, Rama, You and I are One;
You and I are One, Rama, You and I are One.
You and I are One, Rama, You and I are One.
You and I are One, Rama, You and I are One."

Pregnant With Radiance

The period of mid-1973 to late '74 was particularly formative for me and informed and imbued the rest of my life from there. A student at CU-Boulder, and not much of one at that, I followed Mark Twain's lead and never let my schooling interfere with my education.

It was in this period of my life that I discovered the beloved Swami and many others, and the Bhakti path I was to take, and that I began to massage – and to sing, ceaselessly; it was in this period of my life that I would discover the Dances, and the Sufism which so decidedly established my future, from which place I'm now telling this in retrospect; it was at this juncture in time that I discovered in this way, all the Bringers of light, of Dharma, and discovered Christ, and found my own Teacher out of a marketplace full of 'em - the Coach I'd prayed God to vouchsafe me.

I'd longed to be pregnant with radiance, You may love a certain food but you have to eat lots of it to get fat on it. So it is with light. I wanted to be so full of this love I'd discovered, that I could swallow all the world's darkness and shit out light.

Neither drugs nor grass nor booze played a role in my life. I was stoned however, flat-out stoned on love. The only thing lacking was a dime and maturity – and the latter comes with time, no security. I worked at Ticos, washing dishes with joy and some soap – my pupils were sometimes actually dilated. I'd show up giggling but always on time and fit for work, my supervisor on the cook-line, a Pisces named Jeff, looked me straight into those stoned eyes and asked if I were showing up on the job drunk or on weed. I smiled and assured him, I was drunk on love, just love, patting his arm. That was the period of my wearing a wooly, multi-colored Morrocan jalabea everywhere, my hair grown long, first beard, and passing out roses in the park, washing and massaging feet – anyone's. The only beer I got soused on was Bir Hanumana (strength of Hanuman). My beloved Swami embodied that, and he was pregnant with radiance. All Great Ones are, and I revered them - and I wanted to be pregnant with that radiance.

One fine early Spring mid-morning in '75 I guess, on The Hill just off campus, I walked by Chuck's Grill, which was nearly empty. I only wanted to use Chuck's restroom, which back then was the norm without making a purchase. I just had to do a quick number-one and leave.

On my way to that restroom I noticed this young woman of very unremarkable form and features – let's be honest here, you would have walked right by her. She was neutral and apathetic, also rather dumpy, and that turned out to be because she slouched in the booth where she sat alone, the only customer in the joint.

Because of this slouch, and her pullover sweater, it crossed my Lucy-in-the-sky-with-diamonds optical-perception, that: she might be pregnant. To this day, I don't know what took hold of me - but after I'd left the restroom instead of heading straight for the door leading out, I swung by her booth and with my right hand gently on her shoulder and my left gently on the hump of her belly, on the pullover of course, I asked her with sincere elation and warmth, “When?...“

As in, "when's the date, O mother-to-be?" She did not call the cops, she did not make a scene, she did not say, "WTF – you some kinda goddam smart-ass? Get away from me you freak!" She did not react angrily or even look hurt or burst into tears at this otherwise seemingly insensitive cruelty. The fact was, she was not remotely in the family way, she was just frumpy. She had a gut on her. So?

Not a word passed between us, her eyes registered bewilderment, to which my eyes registered "Oh shit, you're not pregnant?" then, "OMGdess, I fucked up, am I a schlemiel!" I muttered a genuine "sorry, I thought..." but outside of that it went all without words. And then something happened. She got it, and her face brightened up at the idea, and my face brightened up again and for that moment gazing at each other, she had the radiance of someone pregnant with life inside her. So she was in that moment pregnant with radiance.

Then we both laughed, just a sweet, tender, ever so human laugh, shared in love between two total strangers under quite comical circumstances. I collected myself and nodded goodbye, headed for the door. One last look over my shoulder and a wave: that woman watched me from her booth, still smiling and still glowing, sitting a tad straighter there, and I have no recollection of her voice, as not a word had been shared, it was all through the eyes.

These drunken eyes, pregnant with radiance.

Light One . . .

Light one candle or as many as you like, it doesn't matter -
the flame will be the same anyway, with each it burns
more or less alike, but it burns.

Let it be slender and elegant, or plain, or ostentatious,
let it be tiny on a birthday cake, let it be round and massive,
or short and plump: but when I light the tea-candles to my Puja

I see that every flame is one.
If a flame is poor or dirty or foul,
either the surrounding air is bad or the candle sucks.
 
Just so is the soul,
and just so is the essence of any religion:
if that religion is understood to be a bond
between a soul and it's origin in this present incarnation.

Soul is just soul, and a flame is also just that.
I have never joined a religion, so can I never leave one;
and the one I was born into I needn't reject,

yet no religion can make me it's member
if that excludes me from any other,
as my faith knows and embraces all faiths.

The Bhakti Path or the Path of Sufis
has no members, and no membership,
so can neither be joined nor left.

Like the prodigal son who returns, begging
his father: "take me back!"
and Dad says, "oh get off it, when were you ever 'not mine'!"

Two flames meeting or a hundred flames,
a matchstick or a bonfire – and there are great-souls
and there are deeply underdeveloped ones.

Flame is one, soul is one, religion is one,
lovingkindness is one, beauty is one, Being is one -
all else is the scenery of incarnations.